THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

Posts Tagged ‘Mecha-Godzilla’

2011: The Year in Pictures

Posted by oldancestor on June 3, 2011

Gamera the Flying Turtle monster makes triumphant return to Washington DC

These exclusive images, taken by our award-winning team of photojournalists, represent the finest in Pulitzer-prize-nominated… er, images. Because we go by the Mercurian year, which is only 88 days, we are able to bring you the year’s best pictures many months before anyone else can. Suck it, Time/Life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Splitsville! Bielzilla is no more.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Jedi weapons are no match for Darth Megalon

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Splitsville! MechaHugh in no more.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Another barrier comes crashing down: The first Smog Monster weatherman

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Megan's touch makes Godzilla overheat. We'd have just peed our pants.

Posted in Arts | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments »

Sarah Palin lookalike… after man has 233 plastic surgeries!

Posted by oldancestor on April 10, 2011

By Lacy Thundercake

Norman Ubsy talks Tucker Carlson on Fox News' edgy spinoff, Foxy News

LOS ANGELES – A U.S. Postal Service employee in California recently underwent a record 233rd cosmetic surgery in his quest to become an exact replica of former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Last night, he made his first guest-hosting appearance on Foxy News Channel, a spin-off of Fox News, and is said to be in negotiations for a regular spot.

When asked why he wanted to look like Palin, Norman “Chubsy” Ubsy said, “At first it was because I wanted to see her naked. Since there don’t seem to be any nudes pics floating around out there, I thought, ‘Hey, I know another way.’”

Ubsy, who is genetically an African American man, says the more he learned about Palin, the more he liked her.

“I’m a gun owner and support the second amendment. I also believe in smaller government,” he explains. “These are things I thought about when they put in the breast implants and removed my privates, and these are the things I think about when I look at myself naked in a full-length mirror.”

Ubsy’s surgeon, Dr. Herbert West of Unethical Plastics, a Southern California fast-surgery center, said changing Ubsy into Palin was gratifying.

“I was particularly disappointed that Michael Jackson died before I was able to finish turning him into the alien that crawls out of the mother ship at the end of Close Encounters,” he told The Anvil. “When I have a patient who has money yet is clearly mentally disturbed, I want to turn that patient into the freakazoid he dreams of becoming.”

West is also known for using radical surgery to turn eccentric billionaire Roopvani Patel into a Rubik’s Cube and for turning Jesse Eisenberg from the Guy Who Reminds People of Michael Cera into Jesse Eisenberg.

Not everyone is so pleased with West’s handiwork.

Tina T. Tyler, an expert from the Alliteration Institute in Denver, Colorado says, “Pistol-packing pretend-Palin postal persons piss me off. Silly surgeons slicing and sculpting Sarah simulations steam me as well.”

Ubsy says he is not fazed by all the criticism. “I’ve got other things to worry about. Now that I look like Palin, I’m trying real hard to unlearn everything I know about civics and geopolitics and replace it with winks and snark.”

The surgeries cost Ubsy a combined 1.9 million dollars, a lot of money for a postal worker. If his huge ratings from last night’s Foxy News appearance are any indication, though, he’ll be making it back in no time.

“People wanted Sarah in a bra and panties, and I gave it to them,” he says. “I’m every bit the businessman she is.”

The real Palin was unable to be reached for comment, but Hollywood insiders are already buzzing that she and her counterpart are in talks with 20th Century Fox executives to star in a film entitled, Palin Vs. Mecha-Palin as well as two sequels, Palin vs. Mecha-Palin vs. Godzilla and Palin, Godzilla, Mecha-Palin, and MechaGodzilla: Monsters’, Palins’, and Mecha-Monster Palins’ All Out Mecha-Monster War.

Michael Bay is expected to direct.

_________________________________________________________

Greetings, Anvil readers. I’ve done another guest post for filmmaker James Killough’s Pure Film Creative, which you can read here. Check it out and tell me what you think, but please note the content there is a bit edgier.

___________________________________________________

Today’s image is another great contribution by Sandra Tarsitano

___________________________________________________

Posted in Health and Living, Media | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 36 Comments »

High fuel costs force Japan to scrap Mecha-Godzilla

Posted by oldancestor on July 13, 2010

Estimated annual fuel cost: A gajillion yen!

 

By Eric J Baker

YOU'RE FIRED!

TOKYO – Japan’s once-vaunted Mecha-Godzilla robot, which was supposed to be mankind’s answer to the relentless giant-monster attacks that have plagued East Asia since the 1950s, has been mothballed, perhaps permanently. Japan’s Defense Ministry cites the high cost of fuel and the recent global recession as the primary reasons for terminating the program.

“It’s a sad day for the proud nation of Japan,” said Mecha-G Force director Akira Takasaki at a press conference in Tokyo yesterday. “Mecha-Godzilla runs on gasoline, as you all know, and it’s become cost-prohibitive to fill his tank. You can fly a 747 from here to New York with less fuel than is consumed in an hour of Mecha-G operation.”

Indeed, that fact is bittersweet vindication for Takasaki, who was heavily criticized at the time of the robot’s construction in the early 1990s for designing it to be the same size as Godzilla.

“Why don’t they just make it twice as big and kill Godzilla in five seconds?” asked then US Vice-President Dan Quayle at the time. It turns out, though, the scaled-down version was able to stay running far longer than the proposed “Double Mecha-G” would have, given gas prices in recent years.

Now, at last, the bad economy has caught up to the gleaming silver warrior and sent it to the unemployment line like so many millions of us humans.

But how effective has the program really been? The giant robot helped Japan’s elite G-Spotter Team repel Godzilla on numerous occasions, but the massive gray-green mutant tyrannosaur has not been killed, as was promised by the Japanese government when attempting to justify the high cost of the project.

Even today, Godzilla remains defiant, saying this morning via Twitter, “AAAAAAARRRRRRRUUUUH!”

Citizens all across Japan are outraged over news of the robot’s forced retirement.

“So they raise my taxes to pay for this thing and then tell me they can’t afford to fuel it?” asks Pinky Fukuda, a truck driver from Hokkaido. “How expensive will it be to repair Tokyo next time Godzilla destroys it? Who’s going to pay for that?”

11-year-old Kenji Sahara of Okinawa echoes Fukuda’s words, telling the Anvil, “Super-Excellent Robot attacks are listed! Go Go Goji! Collect them all and friends shout Ya!”

On this side of the Pacific, some politicians and pundits are calling for sanctions against Japan.

“What if Fidel Castro bought this thing on the black market?” asked Fox News television host Glenn Beck during last night’s broadcast. “I’m sorry folks, but you can say goodbye to Florida.”

Beck’s ghost writer is said to already be working on a novel about liberals building a giant gay robot that attacks an all-white elementary school putting on a play about Moses and the Ten Commandments.  

So what will become of the 250-foot-tall Mecha-Godzilla, which cost an estimated 75 billion dollars to design and construct?

Perverts are urging the government to melt it down and use the technology and parts to build commercially available humanlike androids that resemble Japanese schoolgirls in skirts and white panties.

“Japan has always been at the forefront of robotics,” says a pervert who declined to give his name. “I suggest this idea not for my own enjoyment but for the economic benefit.”

Experts say there’s only a one- to two-percent chance such androids will retain memory of Mecha-Godzilla’s original command to attack and destroy things its own size, which, in that unlikely event, would be humans.

A one- to two-percent chance.

.

Posted in World News | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »