THE ANVIL

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Posts Tagged ‘Italian Cannibal Movies’

Vegetarian recipes for Memorial Day

Posted by oldancestor on May 23, 2011

By Robotman

 

Imported Japanese cutlery has revolutionized cannibalism (art by Mark Armstrong © 2011)

After two years living amongst the tribes of the Amazon rainforest, I return to civilization, as we call it, to share a few delicious vegetarian recipes with you. I picked these up from the Otrebmu, a small group of cannibals in northwest Brazil.

Vegetarian meat is quite versatile, as it is very tender – one might even say “compassionate” – and flavorful. Be careful when selecting your cut to determine if it’s from a grain-fed human or one who was raised on dairy products, as the latter can have a slightly gamey scent.

The most popular traditional recipe in the mangrove swamps around the Amazon River’s many tributaries is called “ruggero deodato” by the locals, or Boiled Human la Viande.

Prep time: 25 minutes

Cook time: 1 to 2 hours

Ingredients

50 chopped carrots

50 chopped celery stalks

One 60-gallon iron pot, filled with broth

Fire

One human, vegetarian

 

Directions

 

1. Heat water to 95 degrees

2. Place human in water

3. Boil until the human stops screaming

4. Simmer for 45 minutes.  For al dente, remove after 30 minutes.

5. Season to taste.

 

Serves 30.

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Ok, that was an easy one. Tomorrow, I’ll teach you a fabulous barbeque recipe that involves eviscerating a live human and shoving hot coals into its thoracic cavity, with detailed illustrations! Mmmm. I’ll also show you what to do with the giblets.*

Bon appétit!  

* Laws about cannibalism vary from state to state. We suggest you check with local culinary enforcement officials before killing and eating a person, vegetarian or otherwise.

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Today’s totally original and brilliant illustration brought to you by the lovely and talented Mark Armstrong. Check out more of Mark’s artwork on his Web site.

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Posted in Travel and Leisure | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 53 Comments »

Obama’s secret passion: Italian cannibal movies

Posted by oldancestor on July 25, 2010

By Lacy Thundercake

 

Cannibals and Zombies. Can you tell the difference?

WASHINGTON DC – President Obama revealed in a primetime interview last night he frequently watches 1970s and early 1980s Italian-made cannibal movies and that he owns an extensive collection of them on DVD. The films are usually set in South American jungles and are considered to be among the most violent and blood-drenched productions in cinema history.

Appearing on NBC’s newsmagazine show Scripted Dramas are Too Expensive, the President told host Chris Hansen, “When I need to think on an issue that affects Americans, I often put on an Italian cannibal movie. It clears my head and, you know, the answer reveals itself.”

First Lady Michele Obama, sitting beside her husband during the interview that took place in the White House, laughed at his comment, saying, “Yeah. He also watches them all day when we’re on vacation. It’s like an Italian-cannibal-movie marathon. Last time we were away he must have watched Make Them Die Slowly  a dozen times.”

That 1981 film, also released under the title, Cannibal Ferox, features numerous scenes of graphic flesh eating and dismemberment and once boasted on its theater-lobby poster of having been “banned in 31 countries.”

When asked by Hansen if their daughters were allowed to watch the film, the First Lady said, “Oh, yeah. Malia can name all 24 acts of barbaric cruelty in the order they occur in the movie.”

Why specifically Italian-made cannibal movies?

“Pretty much nobody else makes them,” says the First Lady.

The President also cites 1978’s notorious Cannibal Holocaust and 1977’s Trap Them and Kill Them (also known as Emmanuelle and the Last Cannibals) as favorites.

“The one I watch the most though,” the President told America last night, “is Doctor Butcher MD. It just doesn’t let up. There’s some serious flesh eating in that one.”

Reaction from Republicans on Capital Hill was swift and harsh this morning.

“It’s outrageous that the President of the United States would make this claim,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. “Doctor Butcher MD isn’t a cannibal film. It’s a zombie film.”

Representative Eric Cantor (R-VA) echoed McConnell’s words, saying, “The alternate title is Zombie Holocaust. In neither title does the word ‘cannibal’ appear. The American people are not that easily fooled.”

When told of Cantor’s remarks, Vice President Biden said, “That’s bullsh*t. Has the congressman even watched the movie? The zombies show up with about 5 minutes left at the end. The rest is cannibals. It’s a cannibal movie.”

Online retailer Amazon.com reports sales of Italian cannibal DVDs are surging today. 1980’s Zombie Holocaust/Doctor Butcher MD appears to have benefited the most from all the controversy, ranking # 2 amongst all titles in sales today, up from 37,234th yesterday.

Earlier today, radio and television pundit Glenn Beck accused Amazon.com of being a leftist organization, asking radio listeners, “Don’t you find it more than a little coincidental that President Obama’s favorite movies are set in the Amazon jungle?”

An Amazon.com spokesperson denied any connection.

Scripted Dramas are Too Expensive host Hansen, who many feel was more interesting when he was humiliating child molesters on Dateline’s To Catch a Predator, is known for probing into his political guests’ hobbies and personal interests. On last week’s show, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin told Hansen that she relaxes by practicing her ABC’s and trying to memorize her board book, “Numbers 1-9.”

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Posted in Entertainment News | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »