THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

Posts Tagged ‘George Washington’

World’s oldest blog turns 250

Posted by oldancestor on April 15, 2011

Editor’s note: Today we’re taking a short break from hard-hitting investigative journalism to celebrate a very special anniversary here at The Anvil. We promise a prompt return to our usual unpleasantness in a day or two.

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The Anvil's first head writer, George Washington. He was also a U.S. President.

NEW JERSEY – The world’s OB (original blog), The Anvil, turns 250 years old this weekend, a span of time that saw vast improvements in broadband speed as well as the death of Bub, the world’s oldest tortoise. Regretfully, the first 249 years of Anvil archives are lost due to a combination of the British burning our offices during the War of 1812, numerous FBI subpoenas, and server errors.

Our first article appeared on April 16, 1761 and was written by original head writer George Washington. Judging from the title, King George III forgets to powder his wig!, it is clear that Washington’s sense of humor has not aged well, though he was reputed to have been quite a cut-up around the office, often making jokes about our then-lousy dental plan.

Washington surprisingly went on to become a military hero, which is unusual for someone with wooden teeth. He was also allegedly a U.S. president.

Some of our most popular articles from the lost age:

1793 – “Marie Antoinette ‘heads off’ on permanent vacation in Basketville”

1793 – “Eli Whitney invents cotton gin; next 220 years of 5th graders don’t care”

1838 – “Andrew Jackson wins ‘Get your face on the twenty’ contest by killing the most Indians”

1859 – “Darwin continues rhyming-title scheme with sequel to Origin of Feces

1867 – “Alfred Nobel invents dynamite, awards himself first Disturbing the Peace prize”

1903 – “Wright Brothers take first flight in North Carolina; luggage ends up in Iowa”

1914 – “Germans, sick of composing great classical music, decide to invade counties from now on”

1930 – “Inspired by ‘Hoover sucks!’ taunts, President invents vacuum cleaner”

1953 – “DNA discovered; Chimps embarrassed that humans are closest relative”

1967 – “Roman pagans sue NASA to stop calling rocket ‘Saturn’ V; ‘It’s offensive.’”

1969 – “Greek pagans sue NASA to stop calling mission ‘Apollo’ 11; ‘It’s offensive’”

1974 – “Norse pagans sue NASA to stop calling Mars Landers ‘Viking’ 1& 2; ‘It’s offensive’”

1988 – “Christian pagans sue NASA to stop calling its deep space probe ‘Jesus’ 3000; ‘It’s offensive’”

2003 – “Atheist pagans sue NASA to stop calling its interstellar cruiser             . ‘It’s offensive’”

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While The Anvil has been around since 1761, it has only been on WordPress for a year, making this our first Bloggiversary. Or is it one “g”? If you are interested in the correct spelling, check in with our expert and friend Paula, who just had a birthday and is now officially the world’s oldest blogger at age 104. Approach her slowly so you don’t startle her, though.

Thanks to everyone who has stopped by over the past year. The light is always on and the door is unlocked…

For the curious, our 3 most popular stories as of the posting date above:

  1. The Most Shocking News stories of 2011 view here
  2. Zeus destroys giant Jesus statue with lightning bolt view here
  3. Disaster at Glenn Beck rally: Too much Kool-Aid, not enough cyanide view here

And the three least popular stories (show some love, would ya?):

  1. New trend in animal fashion: Oil Chic view here
  2. UN alarmed over violence in Afghanistan: “It’s like a war or something.” view here
  3. News round-up: This week’s top stories make last week’s top stories look like complete crap! view here

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Thanks to Sandra Tarsitano for supplying today’s image

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