Transmissions from the alternate universe

Archive for the ‘Poetry’ Category

Guest Poet: Ethan Baker

Posted by oldancestor on April 29, 2012

Greetings, friends and readers. Today marks The Anvil’s first-ever guest post, courtesy of my 10-year-old son Ethan. I had nothing to do with it. He just wrote it and handed it to me, unsolicited, and it’s good enough to post as is. Enjoy!


Stuff to Do


By Ethan Baker


There’s milk to be cheesed

There’s snot to be sneezed

There’s elbows that need to be bruised


There’s soccer balls to be kicked

There’s noses to be picked

There’s toilets that need to be used


There’s fat to be jiggled

There’s cucumbers to be pickled

There’s cats that need new bedding


There’s jerks to be beaten

There’s lunch to be eaten

There’s chickens who need a beheading


There’s cars to be driven

There’s gifts to be given

There’s documents that need to be printed


There’s fish to be caught

There’s stuff to be bought

There’s money that needs to be minted


There’s books to be read

There’s mouths to be fed

There’s idiots that need to be punched


There’s cups to be filled

There’s juice to be spilled

There’s Cheez-Its that need to be munched


There’s cars to be crashed

There’s potatoes to be mashed

There’s faces that need to be pied


There’s pests to be ridded

There’s scarves to be knitted

There’s frenches that need to be fried


There’s gas to be farted

There’s fights to be started

There’s videos that need to be recorded



There’s crops to be planted

There’s wishes to be granted

There’s ships that need to be boarded


There’s planes to be flown

There’s grass to be grown

There’s bullies that need to be tripped


There’s paper to be glued

There’s gum to be chewed

There’s stones that need to be skipped


There’s emperors to be cloaked

There’s pipes to be smoked

There’s oranges that need to be rhymed


There’s games to be played

There’s debts to be paid

There’s math tests that need to be timed


There’s poems to be written

There’s hotdogs to be bitten

There’s food to be turned into poo



The reason the world turns ‘round and ‘round

Is because there’s so much stuff to do!



Posted in Poetry | Tagged: , , , , , | 25 Comments »

Anvil Limericks

Posted by oldancestor on June 13, 2011

editorial note: Please read the important message following these important limericks


By Lennie


There once was a blogger named Me

Who offered his brilliance for free

He’s not very wordy

His blogs are not dirty

Except the ones on PFC














Every news story’s a thriller

Not once have we posted filler*

But I might be a geek

Because once a week

I post a bit on Godziller


There once was a woman named Palin

Whose brain was perpetually failin’

She’s clucking her tongue

Her verbiage is dung

Maybe she needs a Pygmalion


Weiner sent lots of pics

To all of his favorite chicks

But to his surprise

They were seen by the eyes

Of all the Toms, Harrys, and Dicks


Not Alice Cooper













If you’ve read this far you’re a trouper

Or perhaps you’re just in a stupor

This one’s for the chicks

As I troll for clicks

With a photograph of Bradley Cooper



* except today


Hey Superfriends! Check out my new post “I’m Too Sexy for My Car” at Pure Film Creative. I promise no full frontal nudity this time!


In an Internet first, I talk about lying politicians, obnoxious drivers, and Dutch prostitutes from the 1700s… at the same time!  









Posted in Poetry | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments »

Anvil Haiku

Posted by oldancestor on May 19, 2011

By Lennie




Heavy iron thing

Please feel free to hammer down

But do watch your thumb

This one weighs a ton

I’m so sorry you’ve been crushed

Cartoon coyote


When I have no time

I thank Basho for Haiku!

It comes in handy


I’d like to hear yours

Please avoid profanity

You’ll be unapproved


Posted in Poetry | Tagged: , , , , , , | 31 Comments »