Guest Poet: Ethan Baker
Posted by oldancestor on April 29, 2012
Greetings, friends and readers. Today marks The Anvil’s first-ever guest post, courtesy of my 10-year-old son Ethan. I had nothing to do with it. He just wrote it and handed it to me, unsolicited, and it’s good enough to post as is. Enjoy!
Stuff to Do
By Ethan Baker
There’s milk to be cheesed
There’s snot to be sneezed
There’s elbows that need to be bruised
There’s soccer balls to be kicked
There’s noses to be picked
There’s toilets that need to be used
There’s fat to be jiggled
There’s cucumbers to be pickled
There’s cats that need new bedding
There’s jerks to be beaten
There’s lunch to be eaten
There’s chickens who need a beheading
There’s cars to be driven
There’s gifts to be given
There’s documents that need to be printed
There’s fish to be caught
There’s stuff to be bought
There’s money that needs to be minted
There’s books to be read
There’s mouths to be fed
There’s idiots that need to be punched
There’s cups to be filled
There’s juice to be spilled
There’s Cheez-Its that need to be munched
There’s cars to be crashed
There’s potatoes to be mashed
There’s faces that need to be pied
There’s pests to be ridded
There’s scarves to be knitted
There’s frenches that need to be fried
There’s gas to be farted
There’s fights to be started
There’s videos that need to be recorded
There’s crops to be planted
There’s wishes to be granted
There’s ships that need to be boarded
There’s planes to be flown
There’s grass to be grown
There’s bullies that need to be tripped
There’s paper to be glued
There’s gum to be chewed
There’s stones that need to be skipped
There’s emperors to be cloaked
There’s pipes to be smoked
There’s oranges that need to be rhymed
There’s games to be played
There’s debts to be paid
There’s math tests that need to be timed
There’s poems to be written
There’s hotdogs to be bitten
There’s food to be turned into poo
The reason the world turns ‘round and ‘round
Is because there’s so much stuff to do!
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Tracy said
I think you have some competition! It’s wonderful!
ericjbaker said
He’s already a better poet that I am. I’ll say thanks for the compliment on his behalf.
charlywalker said
Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree………………..
ericjbaker said
How did you know I am a tree? That’s supposed to be a secret! Is it because my bark is worse than my bite?*
*I had to go there before you did.
charlywalker said
That was very deep-rooted….
ericjbaker said
I see you are branching out with your puns.
charlywalker said
That leaves me laughing.
ericjbaker said
This line of commentary is really bearing fruit now.
doodoopuppy said
starting to be a bit sappy
nrhatch said
Despite the “icky” bits
And the poet’s penchance for violence, nose picking, and poo
This is brilliant!
Now I’ve got to go . . . I’ve got so much stuff to do!
ericjbaker said
Aw, thanks for reading. It’s surely written from a 10-year-old’s worldview, no?
nrhatch said
Given YOUR penchant in the past for satire and sarcasm, I wasn’t sure that the Guest Post really was written by your 10-year-old son.
Wait . . . does that mean I questioned the veracity of your preamble? Yes. Yes, it does. 😉
Now that I realize that “Ethan Baker” is a real-live-boy (unlike The Anvil’s other made up correspondents) . . . I am WOWED by his rhythm and rhyme.
Please tell you son . . . WELL DONE!
ericjbaker said
Will do, thank you!
Paula Tohline Calhoun said
Good grief! You have been hiding this guy! Eric, if I didn’t know better I’d say that you had kept him hidden just to spare my fragile ego, because this young man has me way outclassed Nancy even commented on one of my more recent posts just to tell me that I had competition from Ethan! She was wrong. I don’t have any competition from your son. He wins hands down. Tell him to keep writing and having fun. He is doing almost precisely what I did at his age. Actually, don’t tell him, because then he might think he will degenerate as I have over the 51 years since I was 10. . .Woe is me. i’ll have to start doing a better job or look into another line of work, I think. . .
Ethan! Great humor, great fun, super job! Thanks for the laugh! 😆
ericjbaker said
I think your spot as WordPress’s top poet is safe for now. We’ve got to watch out for these young upstarts, though.
Thanks, on his behalf, for the comments. I hope he turns out to be as good a crazy old man as you are a crazy old lady.
😉
doodoopuppy said
I posted the link on face book. The consensus among my friends: “this would make a spectacular children’s book”.
Please tell Ethan we all love his poem.
ericjbaker said
Thanks DDPP. I will pass along your message to the aristse himself. Thanks for posting. You da bomb, and I mean that sincerely.
Paula Tohline Calhoun said
Show this to Ethan and let him know I’m not going to give up easily – even if he has defeated me – temporarily! Actually, I am concerned that this paltry effort will only encourage him. Curses! Foiled again!
To an upstart whipper-snapper poet:
*************************************************
“There’s no better rhymer
Than this here old-timer
If there is one, then I’ll eat my shoe!”
But a poet named Ethan
Caused gnashing of teeth, an’
Now the old lady can’t chew.
‘Cause she’s been outdone
By a new Number One
And she once thought that she was unbeatable
But when she calmed down,
She relinquished her crown –
But determined he’d soon be defeatable.
So if I were you, lad
‘Twould be best if you had
An arsenal of rhymes in your hopper.
This old lady’s gunning to
Beat you by stunning you:
It’ll be damn hard to stop her!
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BTW – it’s good to read something from you again – or is my e-mail box failing me again?
ericjbaker said
Hahaha! Great. You’re still the champ, Paula. I would have posted that as a counterpoint. I’ll show him this afternoon.
Paula Tohline Calhoun said
Didn’t I just do that? Here’s some more shameless self-promotion. Ask Ethan to read this one and tell me what he thinks (It’s a story-poem for Zoë): http://paulatohlinecalhoun1951.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/theme-less-thursday-2/
If he likes flat-footed toads, he should like this poem, but then again, who knows?
ericjbaker said
Who doesn’t like flat-footed toads?
You’re always welcome to shamelessly self-promote here. I will follow that link when I am not at work. We have a no-toad-poem policy here.
doodoopuppy said
a no-toad-poem policy? what kind of rat bastards do you work for?
ericjbaker said
They’re flies.
Bryan Edmondson said
Is this a sing along because I am confused and I don’t want to make a fool out of myself by being the first and only one to start singing….
*worried in Texas
ericjbaker said
Sing your heart out kid. Then put it back in before someone steps on it.