THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

Mitt Romney in a Landslide

Posted by oldancestor on March 14, 2012

Romney, just hours before disaster struck.

 

By Lacy Thundercake

JAKARTA – Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney narrowly escaped injury in Indonesia today when heavy rains caused a landslide that washed away part of a village where he was campaigning.

The working-class, blue-collar politician was in Southeast Asia, where he owns several small countries, to drum up support for his candidacy. Thousands of locals had braved inclement weather to cheer on Michigan-born Romney, unaware the very ground they stood on was about to vanish.

“I keep telling people I have support in the south, and this proves it,” said a smiling Romney just moments after the landslide occurred.

400 people were killed in the disaster.

In other election news, never-say-die GOP hopeful Rick Santorum planted himself in a flower pot today.

“What’s good for plants is good for people,” said Santorum as campaign volunteers buried him up to his chest in black potting soil.

The politician drew attention earlier this week when he told attendees at an energy summit in Mississippi that carbon dioxide was not harmful to the atmosphere. “Tell that to a plant, how dangerous carbon dioxide is,” Santorum is quoted as saying.*

Phone messages from The Anvil left at Santorum’s campaign headquarters offering to put the former Pennsylvania senator in a room with nothing but carbon dioxide to breathe for 10 hours were not returned.

When asked by reporters at the potting ceremony if he had blood or chlorophyll in his veins, Santorum said, “Chlorophyll is junk science.”

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 * If you think I made that up, you’re wrong. You can read the quote right here.

10 Responses to “Mitt Romney in a Landslide”

  1. Tracy said

    Thanks for the comic relief!

  2. ok..you stop this right now………….trying to sip my cappuccino while reading this post is hazardous to my screen…. pulled a Danny Thomas spit-take…

    Great stuff!

  3. I thought the Moral Republican Right was supposed to pull the stopper on this fetid bathtub of a festering, Liberal, socialist blog long ago. At least before your Osoma-Blog-Toke-in Hippie portal turned Christian America away from queer targeted hate crimes and turned them on to reasonably priced, genuinely arousing, erotic, Canadian flaming homosexual hare-core pornography.
    If we do not stop The Anvil, Atheists you left wing Jins will be laundering Jesus’s collection plate revenue into shell companies–so the Baker Legalize-it Party can convert the son of God’s loose change into welfare checks to stop working cold in its tracks, and then summon the devil to create democrats with open taxing fetishes run a mock.

    Go take a bath in your tub full of writhing serpents, you monster.

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