By Lacy Thundercake
Classic snack... or yet another attempt by the black power elite to oppress the white man?
WASHINGTON DC – President Obama drew criticism from conservatives today when it was revealed that he had eaten the popular anti-Caucasian snack “Cracker Jacks” as recently as 1997. Several Republican presidential candidates were quick to pounce on the alleged racist act.
“I think it’s appalling that, in this day and age, a public figure can act like we’re still living in the 19th century,” said Texas Governor Rick Perry from his family’s hunting ranch, Niggerhead. “It’s hypocrisy.”
Fellow candidate, Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann, appeared to agree. “It’s the typical hip-hop we’ve come to expect from this President. President Obama is a hip-hop artist.”
When asked what he thought of the President’s apparent act of white-bashing, GOP presidential hopeful Chris Christie said, “For the hundredth f***ing time, I’m not running for president,” further fueling media speculation that the New Jersey governor was about to jump into the race.
Obama, who is black, has not issued a statement on the controversy, but Vice President Joe Biden was willing to go on the record as saying he was tired of race baiting from the right.
“Look, folks, the President isn’t a racist,” Biden said on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews this afternoon. “He just likes the little prize on the bottom. Nothing wrong with that.”
Biden said he also eats Cracker Jacks, often pretending he’s Godzilla and that the popcorn pieces are “little white people’s deformed heads.”
Cracker Jacks, which consist of popcorn, peanuts, caramel, and African-American rage, were invented and marketed by the Black Panthers in the early ‘70s in the hopes of funding a race war that would overthrow whitey, according to conservative pundit Glenn Beck.
On his Web show, GBTV, Beck said, “These things were originally supposed to be called, ‘Rise Up and Kill Honky Puffs,’ but it wouldn’t fit on the box.”
Other racist foods include white chocolate, Oreos, and chicken eggs, which come in white and brown.
“I picture white and black people cracking those eggs on the sides of mixing bowls in anger,” said Beck, wiping tears away with his sleeve. “It’s like a little race war, right there on your kitchen counter. I wish we could move past the hatred.”
Phone messages left at the White House requesting information on the President’s egg color preference were not returned.
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THE ANVIL 