By Robotman
In an effort to cut costs, The Anvil is asking our readers to draw their own picture today
We all know the job market is tough right now. So what can employment seekers do to improve their chances of getting hired? Well, they can start by avoiding some common resume mistakes that will sink their candidacy before it ever sets sail. They should also eliminate corny or bad metaphors in their writing, though that’s a different post. Tangents that go nowhere are not recommended either.
So what are these resume mistakes, you ask? The Anvil spoke to some leading HR professionals to get the inside story:
Mistake # 6 – Numbering your lists incorrectly
“If you promise a list with seven things on it, there should be seven things,” says Brenda Shinbone-Pepperpaste, a human resources consultant with Everything But Human Resources Consulting International, a phony offshore company. On the other hand, she adds, “no one really puts lists on a resume, so forget that I said it.”
Mistake # 5 – Boasting about all the murders you did
You may be a self-employed serial killer who has managed to strangle and hide the bodies of over 20 prostitutes without getting caught. So bragging about it on a resume makes you look ambitious and inventive, right?
Wrong.
“You don’t want hiring managers to think ‘manual labor’ when they see your skill sets,” says Dan Walkingstick, a staffing expert with Omaha International Train Station. “I suggest that people try to get others to do the killing for them. We’re looking for leadership skills.”
Mistake # 4 – Writing your resume with spray paint on the side of a building
It’s a bitch to get that puppy into an email, says Walkingstick. “Most employers use the internet for job stuff now.”
Mistake # 3 – Leaving a dead bird on the hiring manager’s windowsill
“It’s best to stick with a digital-document resume,” explains Shinbone-Pepperpaste. “We know a lot more about germs these days.”
Indeed, popular job-search website monster.com stopped offering dead bird delivery services in 1765 and rival Careerbuilder.com followed suit shortly afterward in 1818, following the birth of Emily Brontë.
Mistake # 2 – Not proofreeding
“Typos will send your resume straight into the recycling bin,” says notorious mass murderer Henry Wayne Ipswich.
He also adds, “Your hair looks pretty. Can I touch it?”
Mistake # 1 – Sending out resumes
There aren’t actually any jobs. Wouldn’t you rather be at the beach anyway?
Don’t miss our other amazing lists, including:
The 5 numbers most likely to come before six
The 11 most ill-behaved celebrity chinchillas
The 6 most common things no one has ever said before
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THE ANVIL 