THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

Anvil Limericks

Posted by oldancestor on June 13, 2011

editorial note: Please read the important message following these important limericks

 

By Lennie

 

There once was a blogger named Me

Who offered his brilliance for free

He’s not very wordy

His blogs are not dirty

Except the ones on PFC

 

Godzilla

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every news story’s a thriller

Not once have we posted filler*

But I might be a geek

Because once a week

I post a bit on Godziller

 

There once was a woman named Palin

Whose brain was perpetually failin’

She’s clucking her tongue

Her verbiage is dung

Maybe she needs a Pygmalion

 

Weiner sent lots of pics

To all of his favorite chicks

But to his surprise

They were seen by the eyes

Of all the Toms, Harrys, and Dicks

 

Not Alice Cooper

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’ve read this far you’re a trouper

Or perhaps you’re just in a stupor

This one’s for the chicks

As I troll for clicks

With a photograph of Bradley Cooper

 

 

* except today

 *************************

Hey Superfriends! Check out my new post “I’m Too Sexy for My Car” at Pure Film Creative. I promise no full frontal nudity this time!

 

In an Internet first, I talk about lying politicians, obnoxious drivers, and Dutch prostitutes from the 1700s… at the same time!  

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32 Responses to “Anvil Limericks”

  1. nrhatch said

    Reading this post was a blast
    The bottom arrived much too fast
    I’m still in a daze
    Your words do amaze
    Sad that good looks never last

  2. Ha Ha! You guys are pretty creative!

  3. jeanie said

    I thought today’s entry was super
    but who, pray tell, is Bradley Cooper
    I don’t find him cute
    nor dig his blue suit
    it’s inclusion is surely a blooper

  4. Woman said

    Oh la la!
    Your post had me in a stitch
    So much so I had to change my gitch!!!

  5. Let it not be said of me that I could ever be one to leave limericks unanswered.
    Surely you know by now
    Of my most sacred vow
    To write assiduously as all limericks should be, salty enough to be censored.

    The rhymes that this limerick has, might not be as good as
    Or salty as I’ve done before,
    Your readers are PG
    And they could perhaps be
    Offended by my pizazz, and rhymes with all that jazz,
    I’ve written this one that’s a bore.

  6. The Blind Man accused him – and named Eric Baker
    On the felony charge of “seeing-eye-dog taker”
    Eric denied this charge, in court to the judge
    He lied and he lied, and he just wouldn’t budge
    So for ten long years, he’ll be a“rock breaker.”

  7. I’ve been away too long………and this is what I return to? Dr. Seuss??

  8. Maria Z said

    I didn’t know you could rhyme
    the way you do is pretty fine
    why don’t you write some more poetry?
    it might just be your thing, really!

  9. The Hook said

    Well done!

  10. Some of our top sellers are: Mr. Magic, Monster Melt, Stop Ice, Safer Than Salt Commercial, Safer Than Salt Premium, Safer Than Salt with Corrosion Inhibitor, EarthGuard and of course, sodium chloride otherwise known as rock salt or halite….

    […]Anvil Limericks « THE ANVIL[…]…

    • As a rule, I do not approve of Spam under any circumstances, as it is usually much like being leg-humped by a dog. It is violating and I do not feel comfortable with a dog that objectifies me as a “piece of leg,” and then singles me out to treat like “a bitch.”
      However, in this case the cleverly manipulated act of putting spam in the form of a reply to a blog-post on “The Anvil” was passive and indirect, in that I had the choice of “opting-in or opting-out” of a vigorous one-way non-penetrative bestial sex act, simply and conveniently, by means of a hyperlink.
      I also appreciate that in this incident, I was not in fact the actual spamming target. Because as I perceive this spam’s actual intention, “The Anvil is the real bitch here;” this in effect, lets me off the hook; and rightfully so, as God knows The Anvil deserves a near shagging for the poor quality of the posts I see here on a painfully regular basis.
      I “chose” to click on the provided hyperlink and read the spam in full, and I would like to say this about my experience regarding such:
      I appreciate the fact that this is what appears to be an authentic copy of a MSDS Sheet on Calcium Hydroxide. This alone makes the spam educational.
      It was also user friendly. I do not have a Ph. D. in inorganic chemistry, nor am I n employee at the Peters Chemical Company–I am embarrassed to say, so it was quite delightful when immediately after I read the frightening words “Calcium Hydroxide;” bammo! I immediately had the dumbed down version shoved in my face in the next two words that followed.
      Now, when I read what followed, the MSDS Sheet Spam clearly defined this arcane term of “Calcium Hydroxide,” by promptly identifying it as “Hydrated Lime.” That made everything crystal clear; and it really grabbed my attention, because like most people, I am a big hydrated lime enthusiast and an outspoken advocate of making it mandatory as a de-icing agent for roads that are plagued with ice and snow each year. This Calcium Hydroxide solution to icy roads as driving hazards is something we all should care about instinctually.
      For when Calcium Hydroxide, or as I know it “Hydrated Lime,”is used as a de-icing agent on icy roads, it saves many needless deaths every year on the nation’s highways. Conversely when hydrated lime is withheld, and a substitute competing de-icing agent, such as the substandard “Sodium Chloride”, in an act that regular people would know by the term, “Salt-Switching,” salt is used instead and many precious lives are senselessly taken.
      I will sum up by saying that this MSDS sheet Spam, when everything was over and done with, left me with the firm feeling that I had learned something, which was provided in an explanation that I could understand instead of being left hanging, confused, and frightened about the esoteric nature of “Calcium Hydroxide.”
      I feel like the Peters Chemical Company provided me with a valuable and refreshingly educational, moreover memorable service, which really made my day.
      I think The Anvil’s Eric J. Baker is the only one, who actually got hurt, a thing that I do not feel the least bit badly about.
      I think everyone knows that The Anvil has been a subversive, left wing, vine of “creeping socialism,” for far too long now. Personally, I think it is about good and God damned time that some American Patriot—even through the vehicle of a spam counterpoint —took The Anvil down a few notches.
      Clearly, “Calcium Hydroxide” is the “Hydrated Lime” for democracy’s “Victory.”
      Thank you to the Peters Chemical Company.
      Bryan Edmondson, American, Texan.

  11. There once was a bad man named Baker,
    Who seductively dressed like a Quaker,
    He rolled naked in oats
    Then pole danced for goats
    Who bleated, “Work it, you sweaty rump-shaker!”

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