Famous blogger critically injured by falling Anvil
Posted by oldancestor on May 17, 2011
By Lacy Thundercake
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – Blogger and part-time unabomber Hanson Anderson of Weird Dude Blog was seriously injured at his cabin in the Australian Alps yesterday when an anvil fell on his head, flattening him. Police are treating the incident as a hate crime.
“Pretty much everybody hates the guy,” said Sydney police commissioner Fred “Crocodile” Gordon. “I’d have done it myself, mate, but I’m the police and then I’d have all kinds of paperwork.”
Anderson has gained notoriety in recent years by targeting beloved media outlets like People’s Republic of Korea’s Dear Leader Television for Democratic Workers’ Unity in North Korea and others with scathing diatribes that resemble the rantings of a 16th century goat molester with undiagnosed demonic possession. He has also been arrested several times for prancing topless in public fountains while shouting, “Dead dogs don’t die!” according to police reports from several countries in eastern Europe.
Investigators have yet to determine where the anvil that struck Anderson fell from, but police aren’t ruling out a political motive for the attack.
“An anvil is a strange choice of weapon to attack somebody,” says Commissioner Gordon. “Someone was trying to send a message. We just don’t know what it is as yet.”
Some experts believe it may be the work of Antonio Banderas.
“You have to be tall and handsome to pull something like that off,” says Sir Edmund Bollocks, a professor at Oxford University and expert on pasty-white weirdoes being injured by heavy objects.
Anderson is said to be recuperating at an undisclosed hospital in Sydney, under police protection. Officers have been instructed to prevent Antonio Banderas from entering the room, just in case.
Editorial note: Anvil editor Old Ancestor is traveling “on business” at an undisclosed location and will delete your unread emails upon his return. Thank you to Qantas airlines for allowing a 700-pound, anvil-shaped carry on bag.