THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

Famous blogger critically injured by falling Anvil

Posted by oldancestor on May 17, 2011

 
Hanson Anderson, prior to his disfiguring accident

By Lacy Thundercake

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – Blogger and part-time unabomber Hanson Anderson of Weird Dude Blog was seriously injured at his cabin in the Australian Alps yesterday when an anvil fell on his head, flattening him. Police are treating the incident as a hate crime.

“Pretty much everybody hates the guy,” said Sydney police commissioner Fred “Crocodile” Gordon. “I’d have done it myself, mate, but I’m the police and then I’d have all kinds of paperwork.”

Anderson has gained notoriety in recent years by targeting beloved media outlets like People’s Republic of Korea’s Dear Leader Television for Democratic Workers’ Unity in North Korea and others with scathing diatribes that resemble the rantings of a 16th century goat molester with undiagnosed demonic possession. He has also been arrested several times for prancing topless in public fountains while shouting, “Dead dogs don’t die!” according to police reports from several countries in eastern Europe.

Investigators have yet to determine where the anvil that struck Anderson fell from, but police aren’t ruling out a political motive for the attack.

“An anvil is a strange choice of weapon to attack somebody,” says Commissioner Gordon. “Someone was trying to send a message. We just don’t know what it is as yet.”

Some experts believe it may be the work of Antonio Banderas.

“You have to be tall and handsome to pull something like that off,” says Sir Edmund Bollocks, a professor at Oxford University and expert on pasty-white weirdoes being injured by heavy objects.

Anderson is said to be recuperating at an undisclosed hospital in Sydney, under police protection. Officers have been instructed to prevent Antonio Banderas from entering the room, just in case.

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Editorial note: Anvil editor Old Ancestor is traveling “on business” at an undisclosed location and will delete your unread emails upon his return. Thank you to Qantas airlines for allowing a 700-pound, anvil-shaped carry on bag.

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BAM!

29 Responses to “Famous blogger critically injured by falling Anvil”

  1. nrhatch said

    Bwahaha! Poor Hanson . . . that anvil really did a number on him.

    Oh, wait . . . that was the before photo?! 😉

  2. Greg Camp said

    Anderson must have a dense skull to have survived from being bonked by an anvil. Next time, see what Qantas’s policy is on suitcase nukes.

  3. This is all out of context Context! It’s not what it sounds like!’ I thought the goat was a prostitute. He was wearing an illegal wire, anyway!
    I feel “Fox News” violated. I paid my debt to society. Why did you single me out of 400,000,000 other U.S. Citizens at random.
    I’m not a witch! I”m you!

  4. I will not expound on this Tete -a- tete…

  5. Don’t bother trying to stop me, I have already consulted with my attorney, and she is in complete agreement. You had absolutely no right to blatantly lie about me in such a way, and then to publish a photo of my brother and caption it as being me. Since I thought we were friends, I am incredibly shocked at this sensational bit of newsmongering from such a distinguished journalist (or so I thought) such as yourself, and I feel you have been hoodwinked by some lunatics – probably from NPR or APR – or any numnber of other such clap-trap reporting agencies wrongly supported by the so-called “United” States of America.

    Be prepared for several subpoenas coming your way, and I wouldn’t be surprised were you to find some dog s–t in a burning bag at your front door when you return from wherever you have escaped to, you coward.

    This comment is necessarily being transmitted on a computer belonging to the sister of my attorney’s hairdresser’s cousin’s friend. Do not think you can contact me by return comment. The person has no idea who you are and will delete your reply as spam.

    Cordially yours,
    FB, HA!

  6. Woman said

    You never cease to make me chuckle!!! Boy; have I missed you Mister Anvil man!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. The Hook said

    No one is safe these days, right?

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