Two black men spotted at White House in possible break-in
Posted by oldancestor on May 12, 2011
By Eric J Baker
This image from a grainy security video shows the alleged burglar
WASHINGTON DC – Two unidentified African-American men were spotted on White House grounds yesterday during a poetry and spoken-word event hosted by first lady Michelle Obama. One of the intruders was described as tall and thin, with short hair and good posture, and wearing an expensive suit. The other was said to be handsome, in a bohemian rapper/poet sort of way, and both appeared to be between 40 and 50 years old.
DC law enforcement officials are treating the incident as an attempted burglary.
The presence of the men seemed to go unnoticed until a tipster phoned local police. Authorities have not released the name of the good samaritan, but insiders speaking on condition of anonymity identify him as S. Hannity of F. News. A review of local phone directories did not turn up additional information about the caller.
White House officials would not confirm the break-in attempt and say that nothing appears to have been stolen. Video footage of the poetry event shows the suit-wearing burglar being trailed by secret service agents, who likely prevented the theft of government property.
Former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, speaking at a nearby conference for women married to former secessionists, praised the actions of police and White House security.
“Thanks to the swift actions of law enforcement officers,” said Palin, “the icky people were chased away.”
Anyone with tips on the whereabouts of the alleged criminals should call 1-800-Welcome to the 21st Century.
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The Anvil wishes to apologize for today’s clear left-wing media bias disguised as satire. It will probably happen again.
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Greg Camp said
These days, anyone who’s desperate enough to sacrifice any private life and spend millions of dollars and years of time to get into the White House ought to be treated by default as a suspect.
oldancestor said
I agree. Anyone who wants access to the nuclear codes is just the kind of person who shouldn’t have them.
nrhatch said
If reading “clear left-wing media bias disguised as satire” is wrong . . . then I don’t wanna be right.
Especially if Palin is anywhere around.
oldancestor said
I know one is not supposed to play the “race card,” but really… The way some of these hardcore righties are freaking out that a rapper is in the White House. The reaction is exceptionally disproportionate to the facts. A guy who rapped a couple of dumb things 12 years ago is suddenly the devil incarnate. They have no idea how racist they look by getting all panicky.
estherlou said
Very tongue-in-cheek! Quite clever.
oldancestor said
Thanks. I was concerned that people might misconstrue what I was getting at.
Hanson Anderson said
I think that Old Ancestor has been proud to be thought of as “a racist” ever since he won the 100 yard dash at the Special Olympics. And he’s not even that retarded. He just sneaked into the race at the starting line, after tying together a little boy’s shoes!
oldancestor said
It’s called being competitive, dude.
Alexandria Beaverhousin said
My sources say that those two men were hired by Obama to hunt for the leftover, hidden Easter eggs. It was reported that 12,500 eggs were hidden on the White House grounds and only 11,680 were found.
That’s a disgrace. Back when I was young, we stayed out to look for every egg and enjoyed it too. Nowadays, kids are too lazy. They have the butler hunt for the eggs for them while they are talking on their cell phones! Spoiled children. I bet a little trip to boot camp will make them appreciate what they have!
oldancestor said
They should hide all those kids and make a giant egg come looking for them. That’ll show ’em who’s boss!
oldancestor said
Wow, I think I just came up with my story idea for next Easter.
Alexandria Beaverhousin said
That’s a brilliant idea! I bet the kids will be horrified of the giant egg.
oldancestor said
I hope people forget. I really want to do this story next year if The Anvil still exists.
charlywalker said
My daughter went to boot camp and came home with a great pair of Jimmy Choo’s….
oldancestor said
Send me to “tailored clothes” camp.
Sleeves and belly – medium (size 16, 32/33)
Chest – large (size 16.5)
Neck – XL (size 17)
If the sleeves and tummy are good, it’s too tight in the chest and god forbid I need to put a tie on, I can’t do the top button.
If the chest is good, the sleeves are too long and it’s too baggy around the gut.
If the top button is comfortable, the rest of it is a tent.
I am the elephant man!
charlywalker said
You are not an animal….
oldancestor said
No, I am. I was in a book on mammals.
charlywalker said
There’s a wrapper in the White house? Probably left over from the Reagan years, Nancy use to buy designer jelly beans in packages….
oldancestor said
Plus, the chinaware came shrink-wrapped.
charlywalker said
Her wardrobe came bubble-wrapped
oldancestor said
Elections were gift-wrapped
charlywalker said
Are we rapping now?
oldancestor said
We’re back to where we started.
charlywalker said
add beat box..
oldancestor said
I don’t hear anything.
Tammy McLeod said
Waiting for more left-wing bias.
oldancestor said
I throw it in between royal wedding and nutty celebrity talk (the stuff that gets clicks). Stay tuned!
Two black men spotted at White House in possible break-in » Palin Tweets- Sarah Palin Watch said
[…] Two black men spotted at White House in possible break-in […]
The Hook said
Hilarious!
oldancestor said
Thanks, Batman!