THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

Two black men spotted at White House in possible break-in

Posted by oldancestor on May 12, 2011

By Eric J Baker

This image from a grainy security video shows the alleged burglar

WASHINGTON DC – Two unidentified African-American men were spotted on White House grounds yesterday during a poetry and spoken-word event hosted by first lady Michelle Obama. One of the intruders was described as tall and thin, with short hair and good posture, and wearing an expensive suit. The other was said to be handsome, in a bohemian rapper/poet sort of way, and both appeared to be between 40 and 50 years old.

 DC law enforcement officials are treating the incident as an attempted burglary.

The presence of the men seemed to go unnoticed until a tipster phoned local police. Authorities have not released the name of the good samaritan, but insiders speaking on condition of anonymity identify him as S. Hannity of F. News. A review of local phone directories did not turn up additional information about the caller.

White House officials would not confirm the break-in attempt and say that nothing appears to have been stolen. Video footage of the poetry event shows the suit-wearing burglar being trailed by secret service agents, who likely prevented the theft of government property.

Former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, speaking at a nearby conference for women married to former secessionists, praised the actions of police and White House security.

“Thanks to the swift actions of law enforcement officers,” said Palin, “the icky people were chased away.”

Anyone with tips on the whereabouts of the alleged criminals should call 1-800-Welcome to the 21st Century.

 

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The Anvil wishes to apologize for today’s clear left-wing media bias disguised as satire. It will probably happen again.

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30 Responses to “Two black men spotted at White House in possible break-in”

  1. Greg Camp said

    These days, anyone who’s desperate enough to sacrifice any private life and spend millions of dollars and years of time to get into the White House ought to be treated by default as a suspect.

  2. nrhatch said

    If reading “clear left-wing media bias disguised as satire” is wrong . . . then I don’t wanna be right.

    Especially if Palin is anywhere around.

    • I know one is not supposed to play the “race card,” but really… The way some of these hardcore righties are freaking out that a rapper is in the White House. The reaction is exceptionally disproportionate to the facts. A guy who rapped a couple of dumb things 12 years ago is suddenly the devil incarnate. They have no idea how racist they look by getting all panicky.

  3. estherlou said

    Very tongue-in-cheek! Quite clever.

  4. Alexandria Beaverhousin said

    My sources say that those two men were hired by Obama to hunt for the leftover, hidden Easter eggs. It was reported that 12,500 eggs were hidden on the White House grounds and only 11,680 were found.

    That’s a disgrace. Back when I was young, we stayed out to look for every egg and enjoyed it too. Nowadays, kids are too lazy. They have the butler hunt for the eggs for them while they are talking on their cell phones! Spoiled children. I bet a little trip to boot camp will make them appreciate what they have!

  5. There’s a wrapper in the White house? Probably left over from the Reagan years, Nancy use to buy designer jelly beans in packages….

  6. Waiting for more left-wing bias.

  7. […] Two black men spotted at White House in possible break-in […]

  8. The Hook said

    Hilarious!

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