Royal Wedding fiasco: Westminster Abbey double booked!
Posted by oldancestor on April 27, 2011
By Lacy Thundercake
LONDON – In what is sure to be remembered as one of the most embarrassing mishaps in the history of the British monarchy, wedding planners discovered last night that Westminster Abbey in London, the proposed site of Prince William’s marriage to Kate Middleton on Friday, is already booked for an unrelated event.
Family members from the Lipchitz-Goldstein wedding party, who made the earlier reservation, told royal officials to “bugger off” when they were asked to select a new date so the prince’s nuptials could take place as scheduled.
“I’ve got cousins flying in from the states to see my little daffodil get married,” said a teary Meryl Goldstein, mother of the bride. “Blimey. What shall I tell them? The Queen’s gone barmy and doesn’t know what day it is?”
Frank Lipchitz, father of the groom, concurs. “We ‘ad it first,” he says. “What are they going to do, throw us all in the Tower [of London, a former prison]? Won’t that be lovely?”
The mix-up is believed to have resulted from confusion over the first names of the engaged couple, Prince William Lipchitz and Kate Goldstein. Westminster Abbey officials admitted the couple’s parents called last year and said they needed to book a wedding hall for ‘Prince William and Kate.’
In a statement released to the press, Abbey spokesperson Sir Lemmy Kilimister said, “We regret that our chap working the phones didn’t ask enough questions. He has been sacked.”
(STORY CONTINUES BELOW IMAGE)
- New problems for Westminster Abbey,
- only just repaired after Kong’s 2006 attack (file photo)
If arrangements cannot be made between the royal family and the Lipchitz-Goldstein party, the Prince’s wedding may be moved to the Hammersmith Apollo, a popular concert venue in London. Pop/rock legends Duran Duran are scheduled to perform a show that day, but royal officials said the marriage ceremony will be incorporated into the performance, likely taking place between music sets.
When told of the potential for a combo event, Duran Duran lead vocalist Simon Le Bon said, “Cor. I’ve always wanted to play for a posh crowd.”
Kate Middleton is said to be a fan of the band, but Oxford professor and expert on royal weddings being incorporated into rock concerts, Sir Edmund Bollocks, warns, “If she’s going to throw her brar-and-panties onto the stage, she’d better do it during the first set. She’ll be Princess Kate by the time the Fab Five come back for round two, and that kind of behavior would hardly be appropriate.”
Hey Anvil readers! For more on the royal wedding and other silliness, check out my latest post for Pure Film Creative, where I talk about British girls named Kate, The Smelly Guy, and other transatlantic mayhem.
Today’s top image provided by Hanson Anderson from Weird Dude’s Blog (not for the easily offended! I mean it!)