Transmissions from the alternate universe

New Lady Gaga song offends Catholics, people with ears

Posted by oldancestor on April 18, 2011

By Lacy Thundercake

Not even people with weird hats like Lady Gaga's new song, "Judas."

LOS ANGELES – Pop star Lady Gaga took a short break from her 2011 Plastic-Outfit-A-Day challenge to release a new single entitled Judas, a provocative religion-themed song that has Catholics everywhere incensed. To add to the controversy, Gaga has recently been performing the song dressed as biblical figure Mary Magdalene, specifically from the period that Magdalene was said to have worn a cellophane dress with tape over her nipples, a thong, and a nun’s headgear (John 3:16).

 An irate catholic identifying himself as Pope Benedict released a statement today that read, in part, “This song is a clear affront to all people of spiritual belief, though I haven’t heard it. I demand that the harlot’s record label immediately withdraw the song from radio stations, retail stores, and internet music sites. Blah, blah, so on and so forth. Did you get all that? Type up a nice ending for me. Was I supposed to say ‘stop’ before?”

In addition to being a pop singer and prolific recycler, Gaga, whose real name is Didn’tMadonnaDoThisTwentyYearsAgo,ButBetter, is also a renowned theologian who believes the story of Judas Iscariot is underrepresented in the world of disposable bubble-gum pop music.

“Like me,” Gaga said recently while serving as a panel member at Oxford University’s post-graduate theological conference, “Judas is persecuted, rightly or wrongly. Did he lead the Nazis to Jesus? Did he not? Am I typical of egotistical celebrities who equate photographers taking my picture with martyrdom? Or not?”

Catholics may be offended by the song, but it’s hard to argue that Gaga doesn’t know her new testament intimately, based on this lyric sample:

Hey Judas, why did you do dis?

You sold your boss out for some coins

I’d like to kick you in the groins

Da Vinci depicted you wit’ paint

But that don’t make you a saint!

Break it down. Hey!


Even in the secular world, Gaga’s newest single is causing a stir.

‘People With Ears,’ a loose affiliation of Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Tea Party members, and Greens, has launched a new campaign called Make it Stop!, with the stated goal of eradicating all music that could be mistaken for the theme song to a Nickelodeon ‘tween comedy.

Says the group’s founder, Pinky Middleton of Cleveland Ohio, “That Lady Gaga song sounds like someone from iCarly got drunk after Sunday school and decided to record a song about it.”

Researchers from Princeton University who track people’s reactions to Lady Gaga songs initially claimed that the only people not offended by the single were deaf atheists. They later retracted the statement when it was learned that an organization of deaf atheists called ‘Imaginary Gods Don’t Hear Prayers, And Neither Can I’ had come forward to report that they, too, didn’t like it.

“Whenever I feel the vibrations of a speaker playing that song, I’m outta there,” signed the organization’s president, Topaz Xu.

In unrelated news, Lady Gaga’s music label, Toothache Records, announced a joint marketing effort with the PR firm, Vatican City Promotions, to generate free publicity.


Hello, Anvil readers. Be sure to stop by Pure film Creative to read my latest column, Rock Saved the Queen. Just in time to insult our newest friend, Alannah Murphy, I tell all about what horrid, ghastly, wicked people the British are!


Today’s wonderful image created by Sandra Tarsitano


30 Responses to “New Lady Gaga song offends Catholics, people with ears”

  1. nrhatch said

    Loved this! Can’t wait to read your piece for Alannah. 😀

    BTW: I have never listened to Lady Ga(g)Ga(g) sing. I suspect I’m not missing much.

  2. estherlou said

    Madonna was always offending someone with her videos and music. She also used Catholic/Christian imagery which caused a stir. If Lady Gaga wants to emulate/best Madonna, she’s heading in the right direction. I guess I’m too old to appreciate her music.

  3. I’m probably going to get pelted with tomatoes, but I actually like her songs. *cowers and covers head with arms* And compared to most of her contemporaries she has a voice. And she writes songs. And plays the piano. It’s not like she is a talentless hack (read: Katy Perry, Ke$ha, etc.) However, she does seem to be a narcissistic personality that must have attention constantly or she doesn’t deem herself worthy. I agree all the extra ish and “look how controversial I am” rubbish is just down right contrived, and might I say, boring. Thanks for the tomatoes!

    • nrhatch said

      No tomatoes. 😀

      Last night I went to YouTube to listen to a link from Suzi’s blog. While there, I clicked on one of Lady Gaga’s videos ~ don’t remember the song title but it was something like, I’ve always been this way.

      What she was wearing, her dancing, her prancing, reminded me of Cher singing “If I could turn back time.”

      I can see why she would appeal to people who aren’t put off by her desire for attention.

      My playlist is full of classics from the British Invasion, and she isn’t going to nose out the Rolling Stones or Clapton.

  4. Topaz Xu said

    I was misquoted. There was another half of my speech that was cut off by the evil reporter. I left the room not because Lady Gaga’s song, which is amazing! I left the room because the vibrations were making me have to use the bathroom. I ran out of Vesicare that week.

    Lady Gaga, if you’re reading this, “I LOVE YOU!!!!! I want to have your babies!”

  5. I love the Anvil! However, I wish that you sold, all the total, individual Anvil Blog Posts. Printing each post on a separate collectible plate, the goal being, to have the entire dinner plate, posts (120 plate) set.

    If you gave away a free, Godzilla and Rodan Salt and Pepper shaker set, with purchase-I would get out my Diner’s Club Card, post haste!.

    I don’t want to be a pricly pear, but the one single item that you do market on “The Anvil;” frankly is not really the type of merchandise,that any person, in their right mind, would buy.In fact, any person with any self-esteem, would probably refuse this item, even as a gift.

    (i.e. I am of course speaking of your advertised) Original 2011 Grammy Award –given to Lady Gaga. Is this a joke? It is a joke, right?

    I am sure not a single one of your 3,000,000 Anvil Blog Viewers,who see the picture, of the grammy award for “The Best Short Form Music Video”, “Bad Romance;is interested in paying $9.99 plus shipping for this piece of pop culture.

    Frankly it kind of makes me vomit a little bit in the back of my mouth.

    A GaGa Grammy is the campy, craptacular, merchandise which: Weird Dude’s Blog of Rumor’s and Lies.” swindles money from Senior Citizens with.

    Thanks for allowing me to vent. Please consider the plate set
    🙂 Your fan and part time stalker,
    Hanson Anderson.

    • Our deal with Toho studios of Japan to produce Godzilla and Rodan salt and pepper shakers hit a snag when Toho executives told us to bugger off.

      You forgot two zeros on the readership count, there, HA. When you mean is not one of 300,000,000 of them is interested in the junk we’re hawking on this dumb site.

  6. The Hook said

    Awesome post! Gaga needs to be exorcised – or shot.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: