THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

World’s oldest blog turns 250

Posted by oldancestor on April 15, 2011

Editor’s note: Today we’re taking a short break from hard-hitting investigative journalism to celebrate a very special anniversary here at The Anvil. We promise a prompt return to our usual unpleasantness in a day or two.

 ~ ~ ~

The Anvil's first head writer, George Washington. He was also a U.S. President.

NEW JERSEY – The world’s OB (original blog), The Anvil, turns 250 years old this weekend, a span of time that saw vast improvements in broadband speed as well as the death of Bub, the world’s oldest tortoise. Regretfully, the first 249 years of Anvil archives are lost due to a combination of the British burning our offices during the War of 1812, numerous FBI subpoenas, and server errors.

Our first article appeared on April 16, 1761 and was written by original head writer George Washington. Judging from the title, King George III forgets to powder his wig!, it is clear that Washington’s sense of humor has not aged well, though he was reputed to have been quite a cut-up around the office, often making jokes about our then-lousy dental plan.

Washington surprisingly went on to become a military hero, which is unusual for someone with wooden teeth. He was also allegedly a U.S. president.

Some of our most popular articles from the lost age:

1793 – “Marie Antoinette ‘heads off’ on permanent vacation in Basketville”

1793 – “Eli Whitney invents cotton gin; next 220 years of 5th graders don’t care”

1838 – “Andrew Jackson wins ‘Get your face on the twenty’ contest by killing the most Indians”

1859 – “Darwin continues rhyming-title scheme with sequel to Origin of Feces

1867 – “Alfred Nobel invents dynamite, awards himself first Disturbing the Peace prize”

1903 – “Wright Brothers take first flight in North Carolina; luggage ends up in Iowa”

1914 – “Germans, sick of composing great classical music, decide to invade counties from now on”

1930 – “Inspired by ‘Hoover sucks!’ taunts, President invents vacuum cleaner”

1953 – “DNA discovered; Chimps embarrassed that humans are closest relative”

1967 – “Roman pagans sue NASA to stop calling rocket ‘Saturn’ V; ‘It’s offensive.’”

1969 – “Greek pagans sue NASA to stop calling mission ‘Apollo’ 11; ‘It’s offensive’”

1974 – “Norse pagans sue NASA to stop calling Mars Landers ‘Viking’ 1& 2; ‘It’s offensive’”

1988 – “Christian pagans sue NASA to stop calling its deep space probe ‘Jesus’ 3000; ‘It’s offensive’”

2003 – “Atheist pagans sue NASA to stop calling its interstellar cruiser             . ‘It’s offensive’”

 ~ ~ ~

While The Anvil has been around since 1761, it has only been on WordPress for a year, making this our first Bloggiversary. Or is it one “g”? If you are interested in the correct spelling, check in with our expert and friend Paula, who just had a birthday and is now officially the world’s oldest blogger at age 104. Approach her slowly so you don’t startle her, though.

Thanks to everyone who has stopped by over the past year. The light is always on and the door is unlocked…

For the curious, our 3 most popular stories as of the posting date above:

  1. The Most Shocking News stories of 2011 view here
  2. Zeus destroys giant Jesus statue with lightning bolt view here
  3. Disaster at Glenn Beck rally: Too much Kool-Aid, not enough cyanide view here

And the three least popular stories (show some love, would ya?):

  1. New trend in animal fashion: Oil Chic view here
  2. UN alarmed over violence in Afghanistan: “It’s like a war or something.” view here
  3. News round-up: This week’s top stories make last week’s top stories look like complete crap! view here

_____________________________________________  

Thanks to Sandra Tarsitano for supplying today’s image

_____________________________________________

30 Responses to “World’s oldest blog turns 250”

  1. Delightfully creative. I loved the post headlines.

    I am still waiting for “The Anvil” book on Amazon.
    Is it really going to be a pop-up, hard-back with a Godzilla hologram on the front cover.?
    🙂

  2. nrhatch said

    Wonderful post, OA! Happy Blog-o-verse-a-ry!!!

    Regretfully, the first 249 years of Anvil archives are lost due to a combination of the British burning our offices during the War of 1812, numerous FBI subpoenas, and server errors.

    What about the CIA break in during the Cuban Missile Crisis? The CIA is way more better than the FBI. 😉

    So many terrific highlights in the past 250 years, especially:

    1793 – “Eli Whitney invents cotton gin; next 220 years of 5th graders don’t care”

    You seem to have given top billing here to the Pagans. I find that offensive . . . as do all Heathens!!!

    Also liked your tie-in to PTC’s birthday:

    If you are interested in the correct spelling, check in with our expert and friend Paula, who just had a birthday and is now officially the world’s oldest blogger at age 104. Approach her slowly so you don’t startle her, though.

    Cheers! (But don’t drink the Kool-Aid) 😉

    • Thanks for the spelling tip. I’m behind the curve with words that MS Word doesn’t recognize. I’m actually behind the curve on most things and I’ve learned to live with it.

      Speaking of break-ins, it’s a little known fabrication that The Anvil was the blog that blew the Watergate scandal wide open.

      Good old (I mean young) Paula. I think she doesn’t know what to do with me sometimes.

      Thanks for visiting, Hatch, as always.

  3. You wish! I actually know exactly what to do with you – just be grateful that a woman of my advanced age has achieved the wisdom to know not to actually do it! You see, young man, just because you CAN do something does not mean you SHOULD do something, and besides, mares eat oats, and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy! A kid’ll eat ivy too, wouldn’t you, Ooh? To top that all off, four score and seven years ago our four fathers met all four of our mothers and a nation was born. It was called The Birth of a Nation, but came to be known as Bertha’s Animation, which gave rise to Porky Pig, may he rest in peace.

    Excuse me, young man, but a very nice gentleman in a white coat just came into my room and offered me a lovely piece of candy. mmmmmmmmm. . . . .

    To who it may concern: I’m taking the old geezererte away. She has had a hard day. . .She deserves a nice long rest. BTW, I just read your article. All I can say is Bollox! George Washington had cow’s teeth!

  4. 1953 is my favorite. So that explains those mesh “walls” at the zoo keeping the humans out. . .

  5. […] Regretfully, the first 249 years of Anvil archives are lost due to a combination of the British burning our offices during the War of 1812, numerous FBI subpoenas, and … Read More […]

  6. Jackie Paulson 1966 said

    Congrats! One year on wordpress, sharing the joy of laughter. ♥ Big Fan Jackie

  7. Did someone mention Godzilla somewhere? I love him, so I hope he features soon, perhaps Zeus and Godzilla can have a fight…

    Happy 250th birthday, sorry my ancestors destroyed your records, but they were a bit annoyed at someone throwing away all their tea a few years back😉

    • Godzilla makes pretty regular appearances. I’ll see if I can get him together with a god or two.

      Given my heritage, it’s very possible my ancestors were hanging out with your ancestors complaining about the colonists for wasting a prime batch of Earl Grey.

      • I once had this fantastic dream where Godzilla invaded London, and I was hiding from him and saw him walk past my window. I wasn’t even under the influence of anything when I had that dream, just my own crazy mind.

        Earl Grey…I love Earl Grey tea! Yeah…them pesky colonists, off with their heads!😉

        • I envy you for having had that dream. The best I could do was dream of a giant cyclops. I was protecting a young lady and had to stab the beast in the eye. That’s pretty much the way one dispatches a cyclops.

  8. […] It’s truly a Momentous Moment in Mystery – it’s actually History, not Mystery, but I couldn’t help being alliterative – but come to think of it, it really is a mystery why this moment is momentous, but never mind – just take my word for it.  You can also take Nancy‘s word, or you can get it straight from the Horse’s Mouth! […]

  9. I hate to be the one who is “a whistle-blower” but I must point out a very, unacceptable, and discreditable gaffe in this post. As we all know “Old Ancestor” never even makes a typo, so when such a shocking, butchery of a news report as this occurs, it is obviously due to one thing, bold faced lying.
    I hate to knock the beloved Eric J. Baker off of his pedestal of perfect integrity. Shockingly, however, it is IMPOSSIBLE for The Anvil is 250 years old.
    After perusing an internet technology database of (FACTS) I was numbed from disbelief; when I found that Internet was not even invented until recent times. The Internet did not exist before esteemed phrenologist, and truth-telling hero, Pinky Middleton made it from bailing wire in 1878—only a mere 133 YEARS AGO.
    We all know that Eric Baker has 2 Pulitzer Prizes, and a distinguished history of years of Professional Journalism Experience. Could such an erudite man be prey to an error of 250-133= OR 117 years? …..Maybe
    But what would you think if I told you that” Eric J. Baker” was born to Turkish Immigrants on the high seas aboard an Ocean Cargo Vessel in 1994.
    Of course, I won’t insult you intelligence. You would conclude that Eric Baker is actually 17 YEARS OLD. You also would know that 17 is less than 250. Yes you would finally, by deduction, know the truth behind the lies.
    I am going to find my black arm patch—and then bitterly grieve loss of virtue, and bewail this iniquity– which shall forever shame the once unpolluted, dignity, of objective false news reporting.
    What else have you lied to us about? Eric? If indeed that is your real name. Or have you lied so long that you don’t even know anymore?

  10. clarbojahn said

    Congrats on your Happy blog’s birthday, OA. I will be visiting more often. This was a pleasure to read and I derived great joy in the milestones of history.

  11. The Hook said

    Happy Anniversary!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: