Sarah Palin lookalike… after man has 233 plastic surgeries!

By Lacy Thundercake

Norman Ubsy talks Tucker Carlson on Fox News' edgy spinoff, Foxy News

LOS ANGELES – A U.S. Postal Service employee in California recently underwent a record 233^rd cosmetic surgery in his quest to become an exact replica of former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Last night, he made his first guest-hosting appearance on Foxy News Channel, a spin-off of Fox News, and is said to be in negotiations for a regular spot.

When asked why he wanted to look like Palin, Norman “Chubsy” Ubsy said, “At first it was because I wanted to see her naked. Since there don’t seem to be any nudes pics floating around out there, I thought, ‘Hey, I know another way.’”

Ubsy, who is genetically an African American man, says the more he learned about Palin, the more he liked her.

“I’m a gun owner and support the second amendment. I also believe in smaller government,” he explains. “These are things I thought about when they put in the breast implants and removed my privates, and these are the things I think about when I look at myself naked in a full-length mirror.”

Ubsy’s surgeon, Dr. Herbert West of Unethical Plastics, a Southern California fast-surgery center, said changing Ubsy into Palin was gratifying.

“I was particularly disappointed that Michael Jackson died before I was able to finish turning him into the alien that crawls out of the mother ship at the end of Close Encounters,” he told The Anvil. “When I have a patient who has money yet is clearly mentally disturbed, I want to turn that patient into the freakazoid he dreams of becoming.”

West is also known for using radical surgery to turn eccentric billionaire Roopvani Patel into a Rubik’s Cube and for turning Jesse Eisenberg from the Guy Who Reminds People of Michael Cera into Jesse Eisenberg.

Not everyone is so pleased with West’s handiwork.

Tina T. Tyler, an expert from the Alliteration Institute in Denver, Colorado says, “Pistol-packing pretend-Palin postal persons piss me off. Silly surgeons slicing and sculpting Sarah simulations steam me as well.”

Ubsy says he is not fazed by all the criticism. “I’ve got other things to worry about. Now that I look like Palin, I’m trying real hard to unlearn everything I know about civics and geopolitics and replace it with winks and snark.”

The surgeries cost Ubsy a combined 1.9 million dollars, a lot of money for a postal worker. If his huge ratings from last night’s Foxy News appearance are any indication, though, he’ll be making it back in no time.

“People wanted Sarah in a bra and panties, and I gave it to them,” he says. “I’m every bit the businessman she is.”

The real Palin was unable to be reached for comment, but Hollywood insiders are already buzzing that she and her counterpart are in talks with 20^th Century Fox executives to star in a film entitled, Palin Vs. Mecha-Palin as well as two sequels, Palin vs. Mecha-Palin vs. Godzilla and Palin, Godzilla, Mecha-Palin, and MechaGodzilla: Monsters’, Palins’, and Mecha-Monster Palins’ All Out Mecha-Monster War.

Michael Bay is expected to direct.

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Greetings, Anvil readers. I’ve done another guest post for filmmaker James Killough’s Pure Film Creative, which you can read here. Check it out and tell me what you think, but please note the content there is a bit edgier.

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Today’s image is another great contribution by Sandra Tarsitano

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