Obama vows to continue observing (and not interfering with) earthlings’ affairs
Posted by oldancestor on March 17, 2011
By Eric J Baker

Election night 2008: Obama's spaceship arrives with great fanfare
WASHINGTON DC – President Sparak Obama, the first Vulcan-American ever elected president, told ABC’s Barbara Walters today that he is proud to have followed Starfleet Federation’s prime directive, which is to avoid influencing events on any planet with indigenous life, including Earth. The President, who was born here but spent part of his youth at the Vulcan Academy, says his primary responsibility as an interplanetary representative is to monitor situations.
“Take the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan or the civil war in Libya,” Obama told Walters. “I have been observing both situations with intellectual curiosity from a great distance. Though, in truth, I’ve also been standing by at the ready, which is slightly bending the rules.”
During the half-hour interview that aired nationally on ABC affiliates at 7 p.m. eastern time this evening, the President said he strongly believes in democracy as a philosophical concept. When Walters asked if it was then tough for him to watch the rebels in Libya being crushed by dictator Muammar Gaddafi’s forces, he replied, “It certainly is an interesting addition to Earth’s historical record.”
Voices on all sides of the political spectrum have criticized the President at various times in his two-and-a-half years in office for his seemingly detached demeanor in the face of national and international crises. During the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico last year, which dragged on for months, Obama was roundly panned for saying, “Oil is a natural, organic material. I fail to see why its presence is so alarming.”
One area of public policy where the President has been more active is health care reform, with his efforts culminating in a bill last year meant to overhaul the nation’s system of dispensing medical care to its citizens. During last January’s State of the Union address, Obama said, “It is illogical to resist expanded access to health care,” in the hopes of heading off cries from conservatives that at least some aspects of the law are unconstitutional.
The President has also been dogged by a small but vocal group of critics who claim he was not born on this planet and are demanding proof he is actually half human. Known as the “Earther” movement, few in Washington or in the news media take them seriously, but their persistent accusations are just one more distraction for a busy leader who vowed on national TV tonight to monitor, observe, and stand by with renewed vigor entering the 2012 election season.
When reached for comment on this article, President Obama said, “The metaphor in your fourth paragraph, ‘voices on all sides of the political spectrum,’ does not hold up to semantic scrutiny. A spectrum, being light rather than a dimensional object or a representation of such, does not have sides.”
nrhatch said
This is perfect, OA. Spot on!!! 😀
oldancestor said
This blog started out being heavily focused on politics, but I get 10x more hits when I do celebrities and zombies and pagan gods and so on. It’s morphed from satire to comedy, but this is just something I wanted to write about. I’ll probably kill my traffic for a few days.
charlywalker said
Yes..keep your day job…
oldancestor said
The last day job I tried to keep ran out of money to pay us.
Loreen Lee said
Just testing. Am having difficulty posting.
Loreen Lee said
Just thank you for #11. Your post won’t take the rest, it seems. Fair enough. Have a good day.
oldancestor said
???
If this is spam, it’s weird spam.
charlywalker said
Maybe it’s Obama checking in….
oldancestor said
You’ll notice the day after this story went up, bombs started falling.
He reads it.
charlywalker said
LOL
Paula Tohline Calhoun said
Oh, OA! Poor guy! he might as well be a Vulcan for all the crap he’s taking. You left out the criticism by the “Bones” medical community about his green blood and pointy ears. At least his wife is all human. . .or is she?
oldancestor said
In all humility, I fully expect this blog post to be the wake-up call that the President needs. I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to believe historians will look back on THIS BLOG POST as one of the game-changing moments of of the 21st century.
The last two first ladies were a lot more popular than their husbands, I’d wager.
charlywalker said
Oh I dunno…I’d say Bill was quite popular with the ladies….
spread the humor.
oldancestor said
My comment was misleading. I meant the current and previous, Michelle and Laura.
Bill was definitely more popular than his wife.
You’re a stickler for accuracy. Maybe you should write this blog. There would be fewer typos.
charlywalker said
Just trying to keep up….
oldancestor said
With all my typos? Good luck.
Greg Camp said
Vulcan health advice: live long and perspire. I’m still waiting for the James Kirk health plan.
oldancestor said
Captain Kirk’s health plan is to always wear protection. You never know what you might pick up from a green woman.
Hensatri said
A good peice of art with Obama as a vulcan would have been an excellent addition.
oldancestor said
Unfortunately, our staff artist is incapable of producing anything that even fits in the category of “bad” art, much less the good kind that you recommend.
I intend to sack him as soon as I can figure out how to get him out from underneath my skin.
charlywalker said
” Incredible”….feat.
oldancestor said
*looking at my feet*
What? Ok, they’re a little wide, but that hardly qualifies them as incredible.
1539days said
President for Two and a Half Years? I see a sitcom. It will give the Vulcan the opportunity to examine human emotions enhanced by “tiger blood” and “winning” or whatever else Charlie Sheen calls cocaine now.
oldancestor said
Hey, his dad played a president; why can’t he?
1539days said
Dude, Obama’s playing a president, whay can’t Sheen? At least people would watch the Weekly Address if it were fueled by tiger blood and goddesses with loose morals.
oldancestor said
Idea: The producers of American Idol create a new show called “I’m a drug-addled celebrity and I want to be President.”
Plus side: More people would vote
Plus side two: New president every year
Down side: Every other country would hate America… oh, wait a minute…
charlywalker said
” Dude..where’s my presidential car???”
oldancestor said
See how easy it is to come up with a TV/movie idea these days?
charlywalker said
First dibs on rights..
oldancestor said
I assumed you were the executive producer.
Mark Armstrong said
My shoulders have stopped shaking. My raucous laughter has subsided. Wait!– the fingers on my right hand are parting. They’re making a ‘V’ sign. I’ll bet anything it stands for Veryfunny. This post exceeded normal humor parameters. Blog on and prosper. : )
oldancestor said
I thank you for the kind words, but I hope you are laughing at the text and not my pitiful artwork. I might be a notch or 5000 behind you on the talent scale when it comes to drawing.