Egyptians protesting without permits!
Posted by oldancestor on February 2, 2011
Obama: “In that case, nuke ‘em.”
By Eric J Baker
CAIRO – An Anvil investigation has revealed that the thousands of protestors storming the streets in Egypt this week have been doing so without permits, prompting world leaders to shift their support away from democratic reform and toward totalitarianism.
Speaking from the rose garden prior to boarding whatever-the-helicopter-is-called, President Obama told the White House Press Corps today that, “There’s no excuse for failing to follow the rule of law. Democracy is cool, but they should stand in line for permits just like they would if they wanted to install a built-in pool.”
Other leaders, including French President Nicolas Sarkozy and Glenn Beck, prime minister of Glennbeckistan, have condemned the protests, with Sarkozy decrying the lack of “hot” female protestors and Beck saying, “I think all these people should go back to Egypt if they don’t like the way Mubarak is running things.”
Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak himself has said he is fine with the protests, but, as President Obama pointed out only four paragraphs ago, protocols must be followed.
“Hey,” Mubarak told reporters this morning, “you just need to go down to the local municipal office, pay two bucks, and you can protest. Is that too much to ask?”
Yes, according to protest organizer Stan Tut.
“Let me tell you about getting the permit in Cairo,” Tut told The Anvil via telephone today. “They ask you why you want to protest. I say, ‘I want to overthrow the government.’ Then they take my two bucks and kick me out! The only choice is violence.”
Indeed, Egypt has become a violent place, as CNN reporter Anderson Cooper found out yesterday when he and his film crew were caught in a skirmish between anti-government protesters and Mubarak supporters. Footage taken by cameramen shows Cooper being staggered by a blow after the crowd surged around him.*
Cooper was quoted by sort-of news Web site Huffington Post as saying, “I’ve never been punched in the head before.” Prior to the punching incident, Cooper was believed to be the only male over the age of five on the entire planet who has never been punched in the head.
Protestor and part-time caterer Fuad Ramses, who was present at the attack, said, “Tell him to come back with a real first name, and maybe we don’t punch him in the head.”
In other news, Time magazine has preemptively declared the guy who invented road salt to be “Man of the Year.”
* Maybe. We didn’t actually watch it.