THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

Egyptian protestors knock Great Pyramid over, forcing the question: Is it still a pyramid?

Posted by oldancestor on January 28, 2011

 

Oops.

By Eric J Baker

CAIRO – Egyptian protestors, still angry over Simon Cowell’s departure from the hit reality TV show, American Idol, stormed a popular tourist attraction in their country yesterday, knocking the famed Pyramid of Giza on its side. Hundreds of mummies living under the structure were forced to scurry for cover.

The ancient construction, believed to be the four largest triangles in the world, was otherwise undamaged in the attack, but its toppling leaves science with a challenging conundrum: Is it still a pyramid?

“Technically, the square part of a pyramid is the base,” says University of Detroit Online mathematician Pinky Middleton, who was not associated with the building of the structure 4,500 years ago. “Since the Giza pyramid’s square base is now facing sideways instead of down, we don’t know what to call it. There is no word known to geometry.”

A team of UN polygonists is scheduled to fly to Egypt this weekend to study the object firsthand. The examination is expected to last ten tears and result in a 75,000-page report.

Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, speaking to reporters earlier today, had harsh words for the space aliens who built the structure in 2,500 BC.

“Why, why, why did they use a quadrilateral pyramid and not a tetrahedron?” a visibly angry Mubarak said. “You knock  a tetrahedron over and what do you have? A pyramid! It’s always a pyramid, no matter what.”

A tetrahedron is a pyramid with a triangle on each side, rather than one side being a square base.

An official representative for the protestors could not be reached for comment, but an angry youth who was present at the attack was willing say, on condition of anonymity, “We’ve done far worse than bring down Mubarak’s regime. We toppled the pyramid. And we wish to go on… toppling pyramids.”

The comment is thought to be the first time in fake-news history that two articles made pointless and tangential references to Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan within the same week.

Some good came from yesterday’s toppling, at least as far as scientists are concerned: The mummies that escaped went on a mad rampage, devouring the flesh of tourists, police, and protesters alike before fanning out into the sandy countryside in search of more humans to disembowel and eat.

“We think this may be a species of mummy previously unknown to science,” explains Vincent Dawn, professor of zoology at The Nile Institute in Alexandria. “Other mummies tend to just strangle their victims, but these creatures exhibit very zombie-like behavior. Interesting.”

He went on to say, “I don’t know what the geometrists are going to call that new shape, but I’m going to call it The House That Simon Cowell Toppled.”

Anti-flesh-eating-mummy protestors protesting the original protestors for freeing the mummies are demanding Cowell be brought up on charges for offending the original protestors by quitting American Idol.

“It’s all about personal accountability,” said one of the protestors today as she smashed a random storefront window and set a car on fire.

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4 Responses to “Egyptian protestors knock Great Pyramid over, forcing the question: Is it still a pyramid?”

  1. Alexandria Beaverhousin said

    I hope those mummies make their way to France. Those pompous, crepe-eating socialites had it coming. If you don’t support the USA then eff you all! And yes, we will be taking your Eiffel Tower. It would look better Wichita, Kansas anyway. I’m just sayin’.

    • Don’t they have 1/10 scale replicas of the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas? I think a road trip is in order.

      You, me, Gustav, and that tough cop from CSI New Hope.

      • Alexandria Beaverhousin said

        True, but why have the replicas when we can confiscate the original. Thanks, Mummies! We owe you.

        I hear that that tough cop from CSI New Hope is a real back-seat driver. She’s a total control freak.

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