THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

Obama to Alito: “In Yo Face!”

Posted by oldancestor on January 26, 2011

WASHINGTON DC – An increasingly erratic President Obama delivered a State of the Union speech last night that could best be described as rambling, nonsensical, and, eventually, violent.  

Speaking before members of both houses of Congress as well as several Supreme Court Justices, the President set the tone early by reaching into the lectern and withdrawing a Chalupa from Taco Bell. While unwrapping the fast-food snack, he said, “My fellow Americans, did you know that Taco Bell has been calling the stuff in here ‘beef,’ when it’s actually mostly soy filler and flavoring?”

Met with silence, a visibly disgusted Obama threw the Chalupa to the floor beneath the podium, saying, “Aw, f**k it.”

It is not clear whether the expletive was part of the speech or an unscripted moment.

The president then turned his attention to the Supreme Court Justices seated before him and, presumably paraphrasing a line of dialog from The Shining, said, “You know, you guys turned out to be a couple of completely unreliable a**holes.”

Justice Samuel Alito, echoing a dispute that took place between the President and Supreme Court Justices during last year’s State of the Union address, appeared to mouth the words, “Not true.”

Jabbing his finger toward the judge, President Obama responded by saying, “In Yo Face!” then leapt from the stage in an alleged attempt to strangle him.

The two men briefly exchanged blows and, in a bipartisan effort, were separated by Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

Before the President’s address could be resumed, another fight broke out, not between Republicans and Democrats but between Senators and Representatives. With strength in numbers, the congressional reps were able to subdue the Senators, though it was reported that, in the melee, TV personality Geraldo Rivera’s nose was broken by a flying chair.  It was unclear whether the chair was thrown or flew on its own.

Once order was restored, President Obama was able to finish his speech, which included bits about investing in the nation’s infrastructure or something.

In a post-address rebuttal, a bloodied and bruised Minnesota Congresswoman Michelle Bachman told television audiences she was proud of the way Republicans and Democrats were able to resolve their differences during the speech.

“This is the way our forefathers intended government to work,” she said. “They knew that statesmanship and diplomacy were stupid in the fourteen-hundreds, and they’re stupid now.”

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6 Responses to “Obama to Alito: “In Yo Face!””

  1. Hmmm. . .somebody ELSE watched the Today Show this morning!😀

    Actually, there are times when I think it would be a good idea for Obama to strangle a few of those people in Washington.

    Another good laugh! TY!

  2. Any similarity between the stories that appear in this blog and actual events is purely coincidence!

  3. tsuchigari said

    I’m guessing you have access to the special feature edition of the SOTU, here in normal land it was kinda uneventful. Diplomacy this, immigration that, jobs, jobs, jobs, education, and son on and so forth. Usually don’t watch it but this year we stuck in on the DVR.

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