Sarah Palin admits her “stupid act” has been a running hoax
Posted by oldancestor on September 19, 2010
She’s really the chairperson of Mensa and Harvard’s Dean of Political Science
By Eric J Baker
WASILLA, AK – Former vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin admitted yesterday that her erratic, sometimes bizarre, and often idiotic public behavior during the past three years has been part of an elaborate hoax carried out for a faux documentary that’s being produced and directed by actor Matt Damon.
“I just can’t go on perpetrating this fraud anymore,” Palin told reporters outside her home in Wasilla, Alaska yesterday. “All the ‘you betcha’ comments. The winks. The painful lack of knowledge about world affairs and government process. All lies. I mean really, what kind of moron would name her kids ‘Trig’ and ‘Track’?”
What about the infamous Katie Couric interview during which she couldn’t name a single newspaper that she read?
“It was all staged by Matt Damon,” says Palin. “Of course, Katie was in on it. We sat down beforehand and asked ourselves, ‘What’s the most embarrassing question for a VP to struggle with?’”
Palin went on to explain that she finally opened up about the hoax after seeing the criticism faced by actor Casey Affleck earlier this week, when he admitted his documentary about fellow star Joaquin Phoenix’s alleged downward mental spiral was proved to be staged. That film, entitled I’m Still Here, may be released on DVD and Blu Ray next spring as a double feature with the Damon/Palin collaboration, which is to be called, How Freaking Completely Scary is it That People Take This Deranged Lunatic Seriously, to the Point that Some of Them Say They Would Actually Vote for Her in a Presidential Election?! Don’t They Want Someone Even Remotely Qualified and With at Least an Ounce of Intelligence to be the Most Powerful Person in the World, for Cryin’ Out Loud? May We Remind You This Person Has Access to Nuclear Weapons?
When reached by phone at his home in Hollywood, California, Damon would not confirm that his film was a fake, but he did admit to experiencing problems with the production.
“Frankly, the name is too long,” he said. “I’m not sure what I can do about that, though. We already named it.”
Indeed, the title is long. So long that filmmaker Ray Dennis Steckler, who directed the 1964 film, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies !!?, says he will sue Damon and Palin for financial damages resulting from the loss of his status as a trivia-book footnote.
“Not cool, man” he said in an interview that appeared on Fangoria.com yesterday. “Not cool.”
Steckler isn’t the only public figure upset with Palin’s actions. Arizona Senator John McCain, who shared the GOP ticket with Palin in the 2008 presidential election, said through his spokesperson, Frieda Lay, that he never knew his former running mate wasn’t a half-wit.
“Ms. Palin has deliberately tried to damage Senator McCain’s heretofore unblemished credibility,” said Lay.
She also said that McCain would have loved to talk to reporters directly, but he was too busy selling out his ideals in an effort to pander to ultra-right-wing conservative voters.
So what’s next for Palin, now that she’s shedding her carefully cultivated public persona?
“What I really want to do is direct,” she said. There’s no official word on what her debut feature will be, but rumors are already circulating that she will helm the espionage thriller, I Can See Russia from My Porch.
Palin may be able to use her experiences as a stepping stone to Hollywood, but the little people in her employ may not be so fortunate.
Babyface Finster, a dwarf actor who has played the part of “Track” in Palin’s public appearances for the past three years, is philosophical about his change of fortune.
“Eh, it was a good gig while it lasted,” he says. “I suppose I could always go back to robbing banks.”