THE ANVIL

Transmissions from the alternate universe

Entertainment News: Lohan lands in hot water!

Posted by oldancestor on April 17, 2010

OH, LINDSAY!

By Lacy Thundercake

 

LOS ANGELES – Troubled actress Lindsay Lohan fell from a balcony railing Friday night, landing in a Jacuzzi filled with overheated water, say Santa Monica police officers who responded to the 9-1-1 call. The star refused transportation to a hospital and was treated at the scene for minor burns.

When pressed, Police Chief Rodney Pushpin was unable to explain why the water was so hot. “Someone may have set the temperature too high,” he suggested. “Why the hell they [hot tub manufacturers] let you turn the dial past the warning is beyond me.”

Lohan, 57, said she fell in the water on purpose to wash baby powder from her shoes, but several witnesses stated she wasn’t using cocaine.

The incident, which took place at a private residence, is the latest in a string of controversies surrounding the actress in recent years. In 2005, she made headlines by skipping out on college to illegally race a white Volkswagen Beetle, nicknamed “Herbie,” but not before striking and nearly killing NASCAR legend Trip Murphy with the vehicle. A few years later she ran into trouble when she knew who killed her twin sister but didn’t tell anyone.   

The star is better known for scandals than acting these days, but Lohan had won critical praise for her performances in the hit films Freaky Friday (2003) and Mean Girls (2004). Her first big break came when she landed the role of “Tessio” in the acclaimed 1972 gangster classic, The Godfather, though she is probably most recognized for playing the murderer “Jason Voorhees” in four of the Friday the 13th horror sequels. She also directed Star Wars.

There’s no way to predict how this latest incident will affect her already damaged reputation with movie audiences. She’ll have a chance to find out this summer when she stars in Citizen Kane II: Revenge of Rosebud, the long-awaited sequel to late director Orson Welles’ 1941 film-noir masterpiece. The follow up is being helmed by Crank 2: High Voltage director Brian Taylor.

Regarding Friday night’s hot-tub incident, Police Chief Pushpin said, “The most important thing to remember is Lindsay wasn’t seriously hurt. It could have been a lot worse.” He also noted that an unknown woman who’s not famous was killed when Lohan landed on her and broke her neck. Anyone with information regarding the victim’s identity is encouraged to contact Santa Monica police.

3 Responses to “Entertainment News: Lohan lands in hot water!”

  1. Moosey D said

    She was only 19 when she played Tessio? Amazing.

  2. I. M. Spartacus said

    Oh, I hope Citizen Kane II will be in 3-d, but they’ll probably save that for CK3: Return Of The Sled.

    I also hear Lindsay was in contention to play The Tall Man in the Phantasm remake, but was told she was too old, so they just let Angus Scrimm play him again.

  3. I sure hope Citizen Kane II WON’T be in 3D.

    That would ruin it.

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